just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
