Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
