just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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