Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
