dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
