dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
