she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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