we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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