Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
