The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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