He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
