"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
