I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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