just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
