She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
