i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
