If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
