omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
