How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
