you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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