I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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