Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
