idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
