i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
