Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
