Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
