no you cant smoke seaweed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
