the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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