I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
