i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
