That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
