No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
