everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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