Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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