i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
