The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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