also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
