just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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