why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
