Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
