Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
