I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
