wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
