You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
