saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
