dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
