Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pants are for mortals
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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