we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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