so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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