Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
