I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
