she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
