the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
