dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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